T-minus 6 days

I'm heading home soon. Its hard to believe that summer is almost over. So much has happened and yet it doesn't seem like I did that much. The kittens are coming along nicely. The past two days we have been bringing them into the family room with us so that they can get use to more and more space. They are doing well with that and even hiss at us less and less each day. They did have a fun moment that they turned on the faucet into the sink where they love to sleep and hang out.

I know the first day I started this blog it was about kittens but I quickly changed it so I could talk about my life. For the better part of a month now I have been hiding behind my kittens so that I didn't have to sit down and actually write out and through what I have been dealing with. I have been dealing with maybe one of the most difficult two month period of my albeit relatively short life. Now I have done a lot in the almost 22 years I have been alive. But most of that has come from years 18 and on. I went to Israel for the year which is still the most amazing experience in my life. All three of the relationships I have been in have come after I turned 18. My first relationship was almost 4 months, my second was only a month. One of my friends pointed out to me that when my relationships started to become hard I would take myself out of it cause I didn't want to deal with it. So I made that friend and myself a promise that I wouldn't just disappear from my next relationship when the going got tough. My third relationship lasted a year and a half. I in no way regret the relationship. I don't believe in regretting things after they happen because all those mistakes or hard times make you who you are at the end of the day and I can say that I like who I have turned into.

Maybe I should have expected this break up more than I did, I mean not a week before hand my best friend said maybe I should start preparing just from one little thing I told him. But when it happened I was completely shaken. I mean A YEAR AND A HALF. Thats a long time. I had never been in a relationship even close to that length. Everyday was a different struggle in things that had become normal for me. I would constantly check my phone for text messages. I stopped watching certain movies that we use to watch together and I stopped buying or the wine we always had in the fridge. I had a three week period where I wasn't getting to bed before 6 AM and that was because we talked every night before bed and it just didn't seem right. I had to realize that even though I never thought it possible I actually couldn't go to sleep without talking to someone. I literally had to reprogram myself on how to sleep without that last call. Every once in a while I get these moments clarity that though it was a good relationship there were things that made it a bad one. One where by the end of it I wasn't happy about who I was.

The worst part of the break up though? I hate being a burden on people. I felt bad going and talking to even my best friends about it. Because what are they suppose to say or do? There was nothing they could say or do to help and in the end I just heard myself saying the same thing over and over. By the second week I was tired of hearing the story.
 
Its been almost two months that I have been thinking about writing this. I just know myself and once I write something and read it that means I have to face it and until today I was not ready to have to face the reality or the future that is currently looking me in the face. She has already moved on and started dating someone and now its time for me to do the same. I'm not one to date someone right after a relationship but I look forward to moving on with my life and becoming Nathan J Horowitz again and not the person who people have been hanging out with recently. And yes that means figuring out how to be single again but I'm always up for a good challenge.

So whats next for me? Time for myself. Time for me to remember what its like to not have to worry about someone else and make time for them. A time for me to spend with my friends that over the last year and a half I have neglected for various reasons. Basically a time for me to figure out who I am again so that the next time I enter a relationship I will know I'm completely ready and sure that its the right person to spend however long with. And as for this blog I will be talking more about my life and school in the future. So I hope you come along for the ride with me.